So Easy to Say Nothing

I love how simple and precious this video is. They cute.

Drawing a Line

Literally just looked at all the pictures of myself in those costumes.

No.

F*ck the F*ck No.

I refuse.

May I never look like a f*cking tank again.

What happened to that whole weight loss thing? Oh, you quit? You quit, Sammy? Well UN QUIT 'CAUSE YOU ARE LARGE AND NEED TO BE LESS FAT.

Am I obese? No. Am I happy with my current weight? F*ck I am.

You're gonna fix this. And you're gonna do it now. Guess who you see Monday? Hector. Guess where you're going in two weeks? Europe. Guess what you're gonna look like? A damn cow.

Make sure this doesn't f*cking happen again.

Playful Little Pup

I'm looking for him in you.
In the stares.
In the grasp.
In your beats.

I find him in you when I squint.
If I don't look too close.

I can't feel him in you.
The taste is too subtle.
And the rhythm is off.

Prove It

I love when people hear that I like or have a crush on someone and then say, "oh you could do so much better." Like unanimous decision. Can I? Can I really? 'Cause here I am, not doing any better.

This is not related to any recent events. No new crush. Just an amusing observation.

BUT WHY DOES IT WORK SO WELL

Covers That Suck

SO idk who the actual hell thought it was a good idea to allow One Direction to cover Teenage Dirtbag. But they were wrong and should be shot in the head that they are clearly not using. LIKE. I'm sorry, did anyone in that band ever even listen to Iron Maiden? Their "awkward teenage years" were spent on X Factor. You bubblegum pop crap, you do not understand 90's grunge. GET. OUT.

I Look Like My Mother

If you look really closely, I look a lot like my mother. In our facial structure. Our eyes. Our hair. Our smiles. Even our complexion. I am unmistakably my mother's daughter.

My mother does not like the way she looks. She dyes her hair. She wears colored contacts. She will not step out of the house at all unless her makeup is 100% done. Foundation, blush, eye shadow, eye liner, mascara, lips, the works. She doesn't like the way she looks and refuses to let people see how she really looks. Sometimes she even tells me I'd look better with a little more color or some accent to my eyes.

With a mother like that, where the hell was I supposed to gain any self-confidence?

1D Day

I'm a hardcore fangirl and we all know it (not of One Direction, just in general). But seriously? How could anyone watch reality for 7 hours? Like, what? I have bands I love, too! Youtubers livestream all the flippin time! But who do you think you are broadcasting YOURSELF for 7 hours? About 3 I can manage. If it's for a charity event or kickstarter type of event, sure! I probably won't watch it all live but I'll find the video later and space out my viewings throughout several sittings. But 7. Hours. Straight. GT actual FO my social media, directioners. Shut it down, we're sick of the live tweeting.

The moment I allow any celebrity to make me sit in front of a computer watching them for the majority of my day is the moment I lose myself. It's like admitting "Not only am I a fangirl, I am nothing more than a fangirl. I find you to be far higher than I could ever hope to be, and I am bowing to you. Treat me like property and not like a person, because I am a fangirl. And even though we will never be friends or life partners because, again, we are not equals, maybe you'll mention my twitter name in a video."

Again. Nothing wrong with fangirling. I do it all the time. Twitter interactions bring me inexplicable joy. But I refuse to be a fan of a person or group who would exploit that without supporting a cause other than their own popularity.

Perfect Match

Basically every 30 Seconds to Mars song ever goes with Attack On Titan

(except maybe City of Angels)

I Am The Echelon

If you don't like 30 Seconds to Mars, I think you're crazy, but I get it. It may not be your type of music and there's not much that can be done about that. I can respect your decisions.

If you don't like Jared, Shannon, and Tomo, we have a problem. These men are inspirational. They are artists. And what they've done with their lives and for their fans is nothing short of incredible.

A Throwback Playlist

So Yesterday - Hillary Duff
Over It - Anneliese van der Pol
Some Call It Magic - Raven Symone
Wake Up - Hillary Duff
Shine - Raven Symone
Circle of Life - Disney Channel Stars
Pieces of Me - Ashlee Simpson
A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes - Disney Channel Stars
He Said / She Said - Ashley Tisdale
Fly - Hillary Duff
Rush - Aly & AJ
Supernova Girl from Zenon
Nothing's Wrong With Me from Pixel Perfect
Potential Break-up Song - Aly & AJ

World's Best Boyfriend

I'd say this is pretty accurate in terms of my life with Jonathan. I made a statement once saying that he was the world's worst boyfriend, but an amazing best friend. And I knew a major reason for that was because he didn't love me. But never has it become so evident as now, while he's with Celeste. This isn't jealousy, I promise. It's merely observation. A happy observation at that. He loves her. I mean, maybe he doesn't even know it yet but it's seriously unbelievable. He treats her like a princess. He knows how to make coffee the way she likes it, and he will bus all the way to school even though he doesn't have class that day just to deliver it to her and surprise her. He goes shopping with her and lets her try on whatever fun clothes she wants. He now knows her taste as well as her clothing size. He's gotten SO GOOD at memorizing all the little details. It's perfect. Seriously, how could you not love that? He's basically the perfect boyfriend. Not for me. Maybe someday, someone will be that for me. But he's the happiest he's ever been with Celeste. Really truly. It's almost encouraging. I can't wait to meet her. Anyone who can have Jonathan this enamored has to be amazing.

Don't worry. I don't miss him. I miss the kisses. The calls. The teasing. The thought that someone might be thinking of me. Who wouldn't miss that? But I don't miss him. Not in a romantic sense anyway. We've both moved on. And to say our lives have both improved is an understatement. I'll always think of what we had, but I'm seriously so ready to have that with someone completely new.

Sometimes

Sleep Alone

Me Alone in a Twin Bed: I feel so lonely I just want cuddles.

Me Cuddling in a King Bed: I just want more room OMG I feel so cramped

Overly Social

If I were to get a tumblr, I'd call it "kisses-and-cheesecake", AKA the two things I crave constantly. I seriously have that in mind. But I'm never gonna make a tumblr. I can't deal with people on tumblr. Also, I do NOT need more distractions in the form of social media. Truly I don't. I already caved into twitter. If I caved to tumblr, I'd be so upset with myself.

But That's Effort

This is actually my life. Is Haruka my spirit animal?

The Groove List

• Right There by Ariana Grande
• Thinking About You by Frank Ocean
• Grind On Me by Pretty Ricky
• Body Party by Ciara
• Sex Therapy by Robin Thicke
• Cater 2 U by Destiny's Child
• Dance For You by Beyonce
• Take You Down by Chris Brown

Body Party

Meeting the GFs

So now I just need to meet Karina (Storm's girlfriend) WTF when did they get back together, ah well he's happy.
And Ali (Evan's girlfriend).
And Taylor (Harrison's girlfriend).
And Emily (Alex's girlfriend)Yo, Alex has a gf, the world is ending.
And Celeste (Jonathan's girlfriend) As of 2 days ago. About FLIPPING TIME. They cute.

Meanwhile, I feel like I should be introducing them to my boyfriend... oh wait.
OH WELL. The nice thing is, aside from Karina, they've all said they wanted to meet me and feel like we could be good friends. And I love that. I absolutely love that. YAY FRIENDS. I'm so happy for my boys <3

I'm also kinda happy that now they have girlfriends to babysit them instead of me having to do it, but mostly I'm happy for them O:)

Clear Night

Mash-up of Stay the Night and Clarity that I actually really love.

Nightmare

BACK IN BLACK

Actually I'm wearing pink but SCREW IT I'M BLOGGING AGAIN!

I Miss Blogging

"Exclusive"

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

Yeah, no. I'm not okay right now. Teehee :D

Court Cases

Here's the thing about legal matters. I have my 2 cents, too! But we live in a world of millionaires. The people who are millionaires in this case are (supposedly) more capable of coming to a just and accurate conclusion. If all we do is throw in our 2 cents, the cents will add up. HOWEVER cases of this matter shouldn't be decided by a majority vote. It's decided by actual studied law and learned procedures. Why talk about it? The case is being handled by professionals. STFU and stop throwing cents around. No one likes pennies anyway.

Teen Angst

This mashup. THIS MASHUP. It's just so good. I cannot stop listening to it. Like, it's every song from your youth. Oh my goodness. I could just jam to it for WEEKS. I wish I knew who created it.

Unfortunately, it's also like every teen angst anthem put into one song. And like. Now I have angst. And now I notice that I'm just. "In Too Deep"? "But that's just who I am this week." "And that's what you get when you let your heart win". "I'm melting."

"Everything will be alright."

Taking Your Role Seriously

Sean McNulty as Tamaki Suoh has to be one of my 100 favorite things

iDied

Barbie

Can we please just talk about Barbie for a second?

Based on the movie Barbie and the Rockers from the 80's

Fun fact! It was created because Mattel needed a way to compete with Hasbro when they released Jem

ANYWAY.

She's perfect.

Like people talking about the world's best singer?

BARBIE

FLIPPIN' BARBIE.

Like, you don't understand.

She had a record breaking world tour.

And flippin' EVERYONE was in love with her.

AND THEN SHE WENT TRIPLE PLATINUM

And became the world's FIRST AMBASSADOR FOR WORLD PEACE. WHAT?

And then she announced the first ever concert in space, broadcasted to the entire globe.

And then she went BACK IN TIME and got famous in the 50's!!!
And, once again, everybody loved her.

And like, SPONSORED NASA OR SOME SH*T
And held a concert at Cape Canaveral! 
(This movie is the reason I know what Cape Canaveral is)

And then went back to the 80's and had a Welcome Home concert.
Where a girl she met in the 50's showed up as her older self in the 80's with her daughter.

Barbie frikkin' bridged the generation gap.

WHAT.

"Barbie's everyone's favorite. For all time".

Also, it doesn't help that (even though most of the music is covers of 50's/60's hits) the music in the movie is freaking catchy.

Potential Movie

I want a movie with a normal girl. Who honestly isn't that pretty. To go after a guy who is moderately well known. And for the popular girl to actually be someone nice, who like everybody likes 'cause she's legit a good person. And I want the popular girl to be successful and not even care about whoever the guy is because she's focused on her future. And I want this normal girl to go for the guy for the whole movie and play out some amazing thing like the guy realizes she's a really awesome person. And they become friends. Until he straight up tells her sorry, I'm not interested in you, like at all. And she gets upset. And then she just moves the hell on. And she doesn't have to have like only 2 friends. She can have a whole group of friends. And they are all in different places in their lives. And everything just works because it's not like we have any other choice, so we might as well make it work.

We'll call it reality.

All I Ever Wanted

This is grossly accurate

Tollhouse

A dream

thisroutehastolls had actually gotten some success to it. This is about 3 years after its inception. There is a fanbase. We Toronto20Something happened 2 years ago. Last year we went to London together. The three of us realized how much we truly loved being together. We'd been working on something for 7 months. Planning and buying and moving and organizing. It finally happened.

Luzka and I are filming a video. Talking about how great it's been to work on thisroutehastolls together and have such great fans. Cut to a shot of me. Then her. Then me. Then her. So on. Final shot, you put our two images together. You come running up and somehow magically appear in both shots. We reveal that it's all one image, all one room. And the tree of us look at the camera and shout, "WE"RE MOVING IN TOGETHER!".

And the three of us own a beautiful home. Part of the dream it was in DC. Part of it was in Canada. So who knows, moving house. Anyway. Here we had adventures. Here we filmed our adventures for our crazy fans. Here we three lived so immensely happy. And everything was roses :)

A dream. Not a nightmare. Definitely a dream :)

Cycles

After mentioning how most of the girls' cycles are starting to sync, we realized Jess was completely alone.

Jess: My vagina marches to the beat of its own ovaries.

Fall

Everything You Want

Somewhere there's speaking
It's already coming in
Oh and it's rising at the back of your mind
You never could get it
Unless you were fed it
Now you're here and you don't know why

But under skinned knees and the skid marks
Past the places where you used to learn
You howl and listen
Listen and wait for the
Echoes of angels who won't return

(Chorus:)
He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why
 
You're waiting for someone
To put you together
You're waiting for someone to push you away
There's always another wound to discover
There's always something more you wish he'd say

(Chorus)

But you'll just sit tight
And watch it unwind
It's only what you're asking for
And you'll be just fine
With all of your time
It's only what you're waiting for

Out of the island
Into the highway
Past the places where you might have turned
You never did notice
But you still hide away
The anger of angels who won't return

(Chorus)
I am everything you want
I am everything you need
I am everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
I say all the right things
At exactly the right time
But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why
And I don't know why
Why
I don't know

My B*tching

I wonder who would be more offended after reading my blog. Storm or Jonathan? :$

Dreams and Nightmares

I had a dream last night. I got back together with Storm. A question loomed over me the whole time. Where is Karina? We were happy. It was VERY fairytale. Meadows and soft rain. Secret meetings. Two people in love. But what happened with Karina? He wouldn't tell me what happened. Only that he loved me. Only that he was so glad to have me back.

I take "A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes" very seriously. Otherwise, it's probably not a dream, but a nightmare. I woke up. I quickly realized. I DO NOT want a future with Storm. I have no attraction to Storm. He and Karina are incredibly happy. This isn't even a matter of "I don't want to break them up". I seriously do not like Storm. I do not wish for this. My heart would never wish for this. So it must be a nightmare...

Being with the person who was once my best friend would be a nightmare.

Alex 10000

Tuomas

"We are all lovable, crappy people"

Principle of the Matter

Eric Allasi: Back in my day, Pluto was a planet
Sammy: Troof
Eric: How I miss that beautiful beautiful planet. It will always be a planet in my heart.
Sammy: <3
Eric: They can't just change my life with that kind of decision. It was so young
Sammy: Right? Like I'm not a Sagittarius cause there's 13 constellations now? NO
Eric: Always have been and always will be
Sammy: Right!
Eric: I love how I have pride in something I don't really care about
Sammy: Same boat same boat. It's cause I can't pronounce the new one
Eric: What's the new one?
Sammy: Ophiucus. Nov 29 to Dec 17
Eric: Nope, nope nope nope, screw that

Come Pour Yourself All Over Me

"I know that we were made to break. So what? I don't mind"

It's Not You It's Me

I've realized another reason we could never work out. When you get mad, you really get mad. You've never put that aggression on me, and you've gotten better at controlling your anger. But I honestly haven't the slightest idea how to make you feel better. And we couldn't work like that. You need someone who can be just as much of a hero to you as you are to them. No sidekicks. Just heroes.

Spare Tire

The only thing worse than third wheeling:

FIFTH WHEELING

Art Therapy

Day 2

Jess' Brilliance

An Abundance of Katherine's by John Green
^ this is a real book.

An Abundance of Samie's by Jonathan Lieder
^ this is a book that Jess made up that is actually scary accurate. Funny thing is we all spell it differently. But I think that one should be the one that gets used.

Hopeless Romantic

The moon truly is brilliant tonight.

I walked around campus until I found a nice stone wall, and I sat on it. And I stared at the moon. I eventually found myself humming along to waltzes that popped into my head. Some part of me was hoping a kind stranger would come along and enjoy the moon with me.

What Do You Enjoy

Almost Is Never Enough

I'd like to say we gave it a try
I'd like to blame it all on life
Maybe we just weren't right, but that's a lie, that's a lie
And we can deny it as much as we want
But in time our feelings will show
'Cause sooner or later
We'll wonder why we gave up
The truth is everyone knows
Almost, almost is never enough
So close to being in love
If I would have known that you wanted me
The way I wanted you
Then maybe we wouldn't be two worlds apart
But right here in each other's arms
And we almost, we almost knew what love was
But almost is never enough
If I could change the world overnight
There'd be no such thing as goodbye
You'd be standing right where you were
And we'd get the chance we deserve
Try to deny it as much as you want
But in time our feelings will show
'Cause sooner or later
We'll wonder why we gave up
The truth is everyone knows
Almost, almost is never enough (is never enough, babe)
We were so close to being in love (so close)
If I would have known that you wanted me the way I wanted you, babe
Then maybe we wouldn't be two worlds apart
But right here in each other's arms
And we almost, we almost knew what love was
But almost is never enough

Just Answer Me One Thing

It's all I want to know. I know about Samie and the problems and everything. I just need to know.

When was the last time you actually loved me?

Toradora

Starts as a rom com with a wacky cast.

Ends with a group of wonderful people, who are all so deserving of love.

One Year In Dark

I remember a compliment. A proposal. Signs of hope. Happiness. Late nights. No sleep. Unfiltered thoughts. Wandering eyes. Dreams. Plans. Kind words. Tears. Comfort. Warmth.

I remember a time when you were in love with me.

SPOILERS GALORE

I started a new series, recommended to me by Alex, called Toradora! It's one of the more popular animes, and the main girl is on otaku pages EVERYWHERE as the ultimate Tsundere (a character who starts out mean and angry, but shows her hidden loving side every now and again, in a kinda cute/shy way)

Main character. Ryuuji. He looks super tough and scary 'cause he looks like his dad, who was a gangster when he was alive. But in reality, he's a softie who likes to cook and clean and is basically the perfect housewife, as he had to grow up taking care of his mommy (she's not ill. She's a dancer at a club or something. She's super sweet, but she's just always tipsy and lazy and clumsy and airheaded haha).

Ryuuji's best friend is Kitamura. Sweet guy, kinda nerdy. One of the few people who isn't scared of him. He's student council VP. He's also in the baseball club.

Kitamura is teammates with Kushieda Minori (last name, then first. Guys call her by the last name out of respect). She's a hyper energetic little ball of bursting sunshine. And she's not afraid of Ryuuji at all. He's had a serious crush on her for a while. He blushes and everything, it's so cute.

Minori is best friends with Aisaka. She's this short, fiery ginger. Shorter than me even. She can pack quite the punch. She's got a lot of anger towards everyone, except Minori. Because she's tiny and angry, she's earned the nickname "Palmtop Tiger" (like a tiger that fits in your hand?). She has a huge crush on Kitamura. To the point that he makes her freeze and all her anger goes away and she completely misses social cues.

The series is Ryuuji and Aisaka teaming up to get to the best friends. Of course they become friends along the way. The school starts shipping them. Yada yada. Funny writing. All the students mentioned are juniors at this point.

EPISODE 16 WHERE I SOB FOR DAYS

Don't read if you plan on watching. But you probably won't watch, so just read.

Kitamura starts rebelling and quits Student Council. He reveals to Ryuuji that it's because the President, Kanou, who is graduating this year, is going abroad to America. He apparently joined Student Council because he fell in love with Kanou. He planned on confessing when he became President, but since she was leaving, he saw no point. Even if she did feel the same, it would be stupid to assume that she'd give up an opportunity to study abroad just for him.

Kitamura eventually realizes he HAS to be President so the school can thrive and such, and so he accepts. His speech is actually him confessing to Kanou, who pretty much knew everything that was going through his mind, but she never expected a confession then and there. When Kitamura says he just wants to know how she feels before she goes, she dodges the question by calling him "an interesting guy" and encouraging people to vote for him. The whole school is automatically sympathetic, but Ryuuji is more concerned with how Aisaka probably feels about it.

Ryuuji asks Kanou why she wouldn't just answer, but she avoids him. Aisaka interrupts Ryuuji demanding that he go comfort Kitamura. Ryuuji asks how she's doing and she says that she'll be fine and she just wants Kitamura to feel better. She says he's crying in the classroom, and she knows she can't be of any help. She wants to, but can't, so Ryuuji has to go make sure he's okay. After all the times Kitamura helped Aisaka when she was lonely, and after making it so that she didn't feel alone and had the courage to stand up again, she needed to know that he would be okay. Even if she felt heartbroken, she just wanted Kitamura to not feel alone. Ryuuji leaves Aisaka and goes to check on Kitamura. Soon, someone runs into that classroom and tells Ryuuji that they need him because Aisaka's going crazy.

Aisaka went into Kanou's class and basically challenged her to a fight. She calls Kanou a coward and selfish for not responding, and she bashes her for hurting Kitamura, which is unforgivable. Both girls are in tears, and Kanou reveals that she loves him back. But she knows Kitamura is the kind of person who would sacrifice everything for her. Kanou chose to keep quiet because, as much as she wants him to follow her, she knows that he has a future right where he is and he shouldn't leave it just for her. Kitamura overhears this and thanks Kanou for the experience of being in love with her. The episode ends with everyone in tears because they know they can never get the thing they wish for the most. With that in mind, all they truly want is for the person they love to be happy, even if it means they'll be alone.

Seriously. I sobbed. I didn't see why this show was all that popular or why it was compared to so many great romances that I'd seen. But this episode?  I felt it. I felt it in a wave that was all too real.

Anime Challenge Redo

Because it's September 2013, and not all my answers are the same as before. But I have no intention of loading all those pictures again.

1. First Anime: D.N.Angel
2. Favorite Anime: Blood+
3. Anime Crush: Kyou Sohma
4. Anime Your Ashamed You Enjoy: Crescent Love
5. Anime Character You Are Most Like: Satsuki from Kaichou wa Maid-sama
6. Most Annoying Anime Character: Ritsu from Fruits Basket
7. Favorite Anime Couple: Kirito & Asuna from Sword Art Online
8. Most Epic Scene Ever: Naruto Shippuden - Naruto and the Tailed Beasts
9. Saddest Anime Scene: Fullmetal Alchemist - Maes Hughes' funeral
10. Favorite Tsundere: Misaki from Kaichou wa Maid-sama
11. Best Yandere: The girls from Higurashi
12. Boy's Love Couple: Black Star & Soul from Soul Eater
13. Best Art: Attack On Titan (unless movies count, then GARDEN OF WORDS)
14. Favorite Hero: Saya from Blood+
15. Best Villain: Zero from Code Geass
16. Favorite Anime Opening: Attack On Titan OP1
17. Favorite school uniform: D.N.Angel
18. Cosplay: Saya from Blood+
19. Character You Want to Be: Excalibur from Soul Eater

Get It? Ehh?

Karim made a song called Acapella

And then they met up with Mike Tompkins and made the song acapella

Yes.

A Previously Asked Question

"What happens when you stop dreaming?"

I still don't know.

I've gone back to dreaming. It's hard. There are lots of lows. And it aches sometimes. But it's so much better than flat-lining.

I Choose You

Worth It

Compliments?

"You look so studious!"

"Thank you!"

...

Just A Thought

Here's an idea. How about we NOT act like newlyweds, hmm? Like. Can we not be a married couple? 'Cause it makes this whole "Being Over" thing kinda difficult. Kinda like you are. All the time. I dunno, just a suggestion.

The Way We Were

Have I never posted this? That's impossible. Because, like Carrie, it's perfect

Perspective

Angie: Oh my gosh, it's so sad that you're already leaving.
Fabrizio: It's not that sad.
Angie: Look, you've had her for forever! I only met her last year <3
Sammy: Well, I didn't really talk to him before last year either so it's okay -the girls laugh-
Fabrizio: What are you talking about, kid? It's been more than a year
Sammy: Haha okay, 2 years but it hasn't been that long
Fabrizio: -slightly offended- what? Nah, we go way back.

I was legitimately surprised. I'd love to look back at the younger years through his eyes, 'cause we clearly saw something very different.

But Why

Let's talk about how much I hate this fandom

Importance

It never ceases to amaze me. Just how much I notice people. I fixate on little details. I remember names and faces and outfits and voices and birthdays. I hold the memories close. I believe every person. EVERY person. That walks into my life has some kind of purpose. Has changed me in some way. Must be remembered for some reason. I hold onto people. I hold onto moments. I know they are important, and so I save a place for them in my life.

It becomes more and more evident as time goes by how little I matter to a lot of people.

JuanJosé Quoting Spree

"I want to see your Hispanic hips in action"

Him: YOU DON'T HAVE INSTAGRAM HOW DO YOU LIVE
Me: Quite contently

And suddenly we were horses.
#neigh

The boyfriend effect

It's actually so cute. Just watching a girl as her voice gets higher, her shape gets smaller, and her smile gets bigger.

Sick Revenge

Just woke up from a dream. It was a party. And it had a mix of people I know from all different parts of my life. I know some guy from high school hosted the party, but I honestly can't remember who. All I remember is Jonathan showing up out of nowhere, to talk to Margie about something serious. And Margie had been acting kind of weird with me all night. They were dating. Behind my back, because Jonathan didn't want me involved and Margie didn't want to hurt me. They went behind my back and were dating. I seriously don't know why it aches so much. Why, once I woke up, I felt so impacted. So sore. It seriously. Just. Hurts.

And what I can't understand is why my subconscious would do this to me. When I hadn't been thinking about either of them. And Margie has a boyfriend. And they haven't liked each other ever. I don't know for sure because honestly it makes no sense. But maybe it's some kind of guilt for what happened with Storm after he and Margie broke up.

If I did this to her, if she actually was in this much pain, I deserve the deepest pits of hell.

Mama

ACTUALLY. You adore your mother. Stop whining about her on tumblr expecting sympathy from strangers. You adore her. And the only time she gives you grief is about Choir College. Which, DUH, any arts kid goes into this field knowing the parents will never be 100% supportive. That's just life. Suck it up.

Semi-Parasocial

You ever have those people you know but don't really know? Not celebrities. Not even youtubers. Like people in your school. That all your friends talk to. And are basically the group you want to be a part of. I don't mean looking up to the popular kids. Just like, people who have all the same interests as you and you wouldn't even have to pretend to be someone you're not. You just don't have a chance to talk to them really. So you sit there knowing them a lot more than they know you. Caring about them a lot more than they care about you. And just... wanting to be a part of it.

Temptation

Fruits Basket Volumes 18, 20, 22, and 23

Only 4 more books.

Part of me is like BUY THEM NOW.

Part of me is like I need to save up $400 dollars. Which is really $700 because Crapital One won't let you go under $300 -____-

Never Never

"Let's go to Neverland"
"That's all I've ever wanted"
"Where the hell is Peter Pan when you need him?"
"He already grew up"
"Damn bastard"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This still makes me cry

286

Nevermind about 300. It's about time you knew <3

The Church Gossip

I just want everyone to be happy.

What I told Fabrizio earlier today in regards to parents and observers getting involved with someone's relationship: "Because that's what parents do! Because they never want to accept that you may see something they don't. And until they do, they will make sure it hurts to even think of being with them. The people around you don't agree because the parents are right. They agree because they know how much the parents can do. Maybe it's cause you're a guy. They have no problem taking this amazing wonderful person you love and reducing them to filth, and then you become filth for caring for them. And they keep beating that into you until you accept it or just have to let them go so you can both be free."

Hector. Xabiel. Eric.

Let's get things straight. I ship AngieXDiego. I ship FabrizioXSheila.

Not that my opinion matters.

Angie's parents do not like Diego. He screwed up a few times. And now they're not okay with him. At all. And they've told Angie time and time again "He has nothing to offer you". She's in love with him. They have to hide. Because of the parents. I don't want her to end like I did. I want her to be so happy it hurts. If they did work out, yes. I'd be jealous that it worked for her and not for me. But you know what, ONE OF US deserves to have love. Why not the girl who is perfect? That's not even bitterness, Angelique is just another way to say angel, and that's what this girl has been in all our lives. She is so deserving of loving and being loved in return.

Fabrizio and Sheila have been a thing for almost 6 years. Things are complex. Let's just say they are me & Jonathan. But they have hope. They hold on. He is still in love with her. He deserves better than what she gives him, but it doesn't even matter. He loves her.

Maybe I just want them to be happy. I pretend ship AngieXFabrizio. Because they would have a chance and, let's be real they could totally be happy together. And her parents love him. And he could finally move on. And it'd just make everything so much simpler.

But love is never simple.

And it scares me. Because I lost my chance. And all I want is for someone to be happy. I want to be jealous of someone else's happiness. Let me be jealous. It just means someone finally broke free from this prison where love gets lost.

Pumpkin

Eric just called Cristina "Little Pumpkin".

Not even in a romantic way, I have some very fond memories of that nickname. That time will always have a special place in my heart. Twas a simpler time.

You're the reason I like One Direction. "What Makes You Beautiful" was written about you two. You loved her once, and I was so happy to bask in your light.

Memory Is the Key

Title is a reference to Red vs Blue, which Eric Allasi got me into.

I mentioned "All I Really Need to Know I Learned In Kindergarten" to Eric. And he said "My favorite part was the mirrors". He meant the ending of the show. When we held small mirrors and reflected light. Leave it to Eric to remember my first show. After all, he sat front row at ALL my shows. This kid is seriously the greatest friend in the world.

Whoops

Nevermind. A mother with brain cancer does kind of make a difference.
Doesn't help when you PROVE ME WRONG. ugh.

Oh Danny Boy

-Manly man
-Not Christian
-Acts grown
-Has no interest in family
-Is leaving for 2 months

"U think I have a chance you could maybe get to be my girl friend :)"

NO DANNY. NOT A CHANCE IN HELL. -facepalm-

HarryHarryHarrison

Harrison crashed our party. And I'm so glad he did. You know, the boys have all changed since school started. Every single one of them is sad and disgusting and obnoxious and... not who they once were at all. And then there's Harrison. Who left his past in the past. Who went out and got a job in his field. Who has a loving girlfriend. Who is getting his life right, for the most part haha. And who still considers Charlotte & I his best friends. Seeing him warms my heart. And I will be PROUD to display his photos on my dorm wall.

#Thicke

1. Saying it was a Feminist movement was a bit much... Come on Robin.
2. Robin Thicke DOES IN FACT RESPECT WOMEN. Listen to his song "Sex Therapy". It is ALL ABOUT WHAT THE WOMAN WANTS. And it is probably the sexiest song out there.
3. Leave his family out of this. You know what? His wife thinks the video is hilarious. And I bet you they have AMAZING sex.
4. He's probably not compensating for anything, tbh.
5. You wanna know why we listen to this song? Fun beat. Killer voice. "What rhymes with hug me?"
6. Those women only did what they were okay with. In the end women are always in control of the situation and he knows that. Again, IF ANY GUY GOES PAST THE POINT OF COMFORT IT IS HARRASSMENT AND SHOULD BE REPORTED!

Fear Can Drive Stick

I'm pretty sure we're all just cripplingly lonely. But of course, no one will ever get any better because we're all too scared to do anything. We all hate change. And change is probably what we need most.

Observation

My mom's favorite thing in the world is visiting baby Cristina.

Her second favorite thing is dancing to Single Ladies.

*connotativewords

*I believe this is the original source?

Sex is not a goddamn performance.
Sex should feel as natural as drinking water.
It should not require confidence.
Sex should happen, because the moment is ripe.
Ripening lips, ripening labia, ripening cock, ripening pupils, ripening state of being. Ripe and augmented and brimming. Your energy goes to your pumping heart, then to every external nerve, then to theirs, on fire.
You bask, roll, play in it. You sigh, moan, laugh.
It’s not about being “good in bed.”
It’s about being happy.
One should never worry if they’re doing it “correctly.” Sex is not factual. I don’t want your cookie-cutter sex, I don’t want your meticulously crafted, calculated, fool-proof fuck. I don’t want a show. I want you. Let your instincts, urges and whims define that. It’s enough.
What do most girls like? Forget about it. Statistics are meaningless when there’s only one. Hello, here’s me. Here’s you.
Don’t worry about taking it too slow. We got time. We got infinite rhythms, combinations, possibilities. Explore each fuck. Take our time. We can do a different one later.
Don’t worry about making me come. I’m here. Right where I want to be.
I am overwhelmed by wanting; you don’t have to convince me. I want you because I like you. So don’t put on a front. Don’t taint this.
I’m frustrated—it’s just authenticity I want.
It’s originality.
It’s passion.
It’s joy.
Don’t say that something I like is ugly. Don’t compare yourself to the rest. You will live and die with and within your experiences like everyone else. If someone thinks you are amazing, they are not wrong. Their universe is as real as any other; it is forged through perception.
I don’t care if you accidentally slammed my head into the wall, if you slipped out, if my arm cracked, if the delightful pressure of your wet lips on my anything made a silly sound. There is no right way and no wrong way.
“Good in bed,” what.
You’re good in my bed. I’m pleased you’re there. I feel it suits you.
Shove your technique. Let your memory swallow it. Fuck me like you’d fuck me, fuck me like you feel.
This isn’t a test.

275

When I get to 300, I'll share this with you.

Brendon Urie

Actually. Brendon Urie vines are the best thing ever. The end.

It Didn't Have To End Like This

Dark Is The Way, Light Is A Place is getting me through tonight. Thank you Anberlin. Can't wait for your next project.

Dating Life

I ruined something that hasn't started for something that will never happen.

I'm so painfully in love with the way you touch me.

#ConfessYourUnpopularOpinion

PREACH:

• I think partying every weekend is horrible
• I LOVE Barry Manilow. Grew up around his music. Sue me.
• drinking and smoking all the time is not cool. Or attractive
• TACO BELL TASTES LIKE SOMETHING YOU SCRAPE OFF THE BOTTOM OF YOUR SHOE
• T-shirts with Geek or Dweeb on them are SO annoying. And fake glasses
• Drinking & smoking are unacceptable if you're in a relationship with me
• WARNING: VERY VERY CONTROVERSIAL DO NOT READ IF SENSITIVE I prefer hot weather to cold weather anyday
• Girls that smoke are disgusting. People that smoke period are disgusting.
• music festivals > clubs
• I prefer DC over Marvel. Not that I don't like Marvel, DC's just got more heroes I grew up with
• Elle Varner is the most talented female artist
• If Aaliyah was alive Beyonce's career would have been over
• Drinking alcohol is also unattractive, especially if you get drunk
• Kelly Rowland will always be better than Beyonce
• Jamie Foxx is mediocre, his acting, his comedy, his music, everything.
• i hate Soda, the flavor any type of soda got is just nasty.
• facial piercings look like boogers on most people. They're not for everyone.
• if Halle Berry can get cheated on. EVERYBODY can get cheated on
• the kardashians and jenners aren't that amazing
• God is the one and only. The alpha and omega the beginning and end
• yoga pants and ugg boots are an awful combination that make you look like a homeless streetwalker
• Kelly Roland is prettier than Beyonce. Idc idc idc.
• I think tattoos & piercings are the most DISGUSTING things anyone can do to their body!
• I prefer brunettes to blondes
• I think that every stereotype is true to a certain extent.
• Christ is our Lord and Savior
• michelle from destiny's child can acc proper sing
• God is Real.
• it's not hot if you smoke weed
• shows like "Teen Mom" are not helping anybody
• Id much rather hang out with a group of people instead of go to a big party
• Bum over breast
• Madonna is the queen of pop. Not Beyonce, not Gaga (not yet at least), not anyone.
• I think Bernadette Peters is hands down one of the most beautiful women ever

GIRL, BYE:

• I don't think girls who smoke are unattractive at all
• Ariana Grande is not pretty she looks like a 13 year old child
• I don't like The Beatles. Sure they may have one or two catchy songs but in general they're not THAT great.
• Aaliyah and Left eye are overrated
• Beyoncé is a better performer than MJ
• I think women who won't indulge in their partners sexual desires should expect to be cheated on. 
• Ariana Grande looks like a 12 year old to me, I think she's overrated.
• i dont think Marilyn Monroe's body was " attractive."
• techno music is possibly the worst thing to happen to music since rap
• alliyah was average. Then she died and became a legend
• I don't like ice-cream
• I think the Beatles are massively overrated.
• David Tennant is the worst Doctor of all time. I prefer Capaldi and he hasn't even shot a scene yet.
• people only glorify biggie and tupac because they got shot. If they were still alive y'all wouldn't care
• I don't like lion king
• I don't like blurred lines or suit and tie
• You can be in love and still sleep with other people
• Peanut butter and jelly don't taste good together
• inception is one of the most boring movies ever!
• Amy Winehouse wasn't that good
• dan howell's videos are overrated oops
• minions are dumb and annoying
• Ronaldo is the best player in the world right now idc
• The tragedy around Heath Ledgers untimely death distracts people from his Joker performance being pretty so-so.
• Michael Jackson had like 6 good songs other than those the rest were average
• Alicia Keys ain't that great to me. She's dry and boring tbh. Her voice isn't spectacular either
• One Direction are better than the beatles
• grown men that watch anime are weirdos and need to reevaluate their life

Proximity

My face was an inch from his. It was a threat.

If it had been us? You would've kissed me. Held me. Grabbed me and held me to you. We would've forgotten everything. It would have been public passion.

You've ruined me.

Unanimous Decisions

1) Why the hell do you all talk? You ALL HATE EACH OTHER. Seriously. Move on. Stop talking to each other. I'd rather you split up than be fake.

2) Storm sucks.

Smilation

MY BLOG IS ONE YEAR OLD.

Not this one, the main one.

Hey, all you non-existent readers, go tell me what you think!

Youtube vs The World

Becoming Youtube Episode 10

What If No

I thought about your alternate world theory. And how there's different dimensions where one little changed decision changes entire lives. I dunno if they exist. I related it to God, and how he knows everything that will happen, and how each little thing could be affected by another little thing. So. I wondered.

What if we hadn't met?

At first I thought:

What would you be if I weren't in your life? Would you be worse off? Maybe you'd have a girlfriend by now. Maybe you wouldn't know Samie. Or you'd be on your way to marry her. How about all the bad stuff. Or would you trust anyone. Or maybe you'd be nicer. Or a better boyfriend. I don't know. I'm not you.

And then I thought:

What would I be if you weren't in my life?

And the very first answer I came up with was "Happy?" And I regretted it immediately. I don't know. I can't imagine. I don't want to know. This is why God's in charge. He can know. But I don't want to.

Freebie List Plus 1?

Soooooo is there any possible way the Freebie list can extend to 6 people? 'Cause I got it bad for the DJ named Madeon <3

Phases

• I'm lonely
• I have no future
• I hate myself

I go through phases where I'll whine about each one of these. One at a time. It's always something. But I'm used to it. It's the days when I start to think about all three that I really have a breakdown.

Love Letter

I've actually gotten some before.

I'm the kind of girl who won't believe a secret admirer letter until she knows who wrote it. Why? Because boys don't like me. So if no one fesses up, it has to be a prank. But I've gotten one before. It was from Marc. My first letter. And then he sent a second one saying that he was he secret admirer. While I was with Xabiel, he wrote me two love letters. Actually telling me how mc he loved me and how lucky we were to be together.

No, I don't have a good dating history. I don't have a lot of guys that actually cared about me. Especially not ones that I liked. But I can't say I've never been liked. And I've had such good guys care for me. I've had love letters. There were letters written about me. For me.

Maybe I don't have a boyfriend. Maybe I won't. Maybe I won't get married. I don't know. Maybe I won't be loved. But I was loved.

Love I Don't Deserve

I'm so sorry to have friendzoned you. Because you're perfect.

Home Girl

Why do people want to leave? When they leave, they never want to come back. They forget all about what we have here. I love it here. I love what I have here. Why would anyone think scenery is more important than that?

Pros and Cons

I wanna go back to school: My friends are there. I actually do things. Schoolwork sucks, but it's a million times better than work. No more old hispanic men. No more of my mother constantly there. Living in my dorm.

I want to stay here: No more free time. My friends are here. My church will probably forget me again. Schoolwork sucks. No more visiting Cristina. Living in a dorm.

Day 4

Day four of mother nature's gift to you:
"There's only one thing we say to death. Not today"
That quote is probably wrong and how nice would it be if we could somehow cheat death altogether. But it serves to remind me that I am alive today.
You are alive today, that has to count for something. What other reason do you need to smile?

R.I.P Cory Monteith

Day 3

day three of mother nature's gift to you:

"Beauty captures the attention. Personality captures the heart.""

It's a good thing you have both my dear.

--JuanJosé Medina

You Forgot Your Shadow

I find it incredible. Really. All I want to do is just hook-up with someone. Just fool around. A little bit. And then drop it. And I know I could. And I'd get what I wanted. But you've ruined it. Not because I have a conscience stopping me. Not because I think I can do better. Because they can't do better than you. And I'll always want it to be you. And the whole time, I'll be thinking of you. No one will ever be able to touch or hold or kiss or ANYTHING like you. And no one but you could be my first. I just can't let that happen. Well done. You've ruined it without even being aware. Ugh.

Ignore my rant. Enjoy this song because it and its video are genius.

My Remedy

After explaining that my period freaked out and made me too sick to work today.

JuanJosé: hmm, im sorry. if i was there i would shower you with chocolate and whatever else ladies need.

<3

Lunch With Storm

And surprise guest: Jason!

That was a waste of a day. I should've stayed home and watched anime. Or gone to Karla's. Or spent the day with a friend. Like a real friend. Why do I need to confirm how much I hate you? Ugh, screw summer. This is the summer where everyone leaves. They're all here, but they've left. For good. And Storm lost my favorite book T.T

Internet Icon S2 Ep7

SPOILERS

Ryan, go home. Like, what the actual hell. That was uncalled for. I get it. Similar videos. And yes it is your job to say something. But to have NO positive feedback? He took a risk! It's a smart concept! Otherwise, you wouldn't have done it. The major difference is that yours was a thank you to your subscribers and a look at your history. Alex made a love story, and looked back at it with regret and his own form of closure. MEANWHILE, Bad Weather had the worst video! Infomercial is SUCH an easy way out of a prop challenge. Granted, Foley is quite impressive. I wouldn't have thought of that, and it was a cool addition. HOWEVER at the end of the day it's still just a goofy infomercial! Why didn't you call them out on that? Isn't that what your entire channel was pretty much based around in its inception? Stupid infomercials? Ugh. That's bogus. And even if Bad Weather had stayed, Will should've gone home. He's out of his league now. And the fact that you KNEW Alex would've done well in the next challenge? I'm sorry, you goofed. ALL the dislikes.

3 Down

The rut that follows when you find out the love of your life is in a serious public relationship with a pretty actress who is a sassier Latina than you are!

Translation: Josh Hutcherson has a girlfriend. This post is to be ignored. I am not to be taken seriously. None of this matters. Carry on with your day. No actually just keep scrolling.

So 3 out of my 5 freebies are now publicly taken, including the kid I've been in love with since I WAS NINE AND HE WAS ELEVEN... man, the day Dan starts dating or Jared Leto gets married I'll... probably actually be really happy for them, too. -sigh- womp womp

I Miss the Mountains

The fantasies have stopped. I don't see them anymore. I no longer pretend I can live in a world where I'm happy with you. The thought doesn't even cross my mind. That means I've accepted it. I know we have no future, and so I'm no longer imagining how wonderful it could be. They've stopped.

It's so scary and sad without them.

AMV Ideas That Will Never Happen

"Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic" - Ra -- Fruits Basket
"Year of the Cat" - Al Stewart -- Fruits Basket (Kyou)
"When I Grow Up" - Pussycat Dolls -- Kaichou wa Maid-sama (Aoi)
"Only Girl In The World" - Rihanna -- Rosario to Vampire
"Conquistador" - 30 Seconds to Mars -- Attack on Titan
"No Church In the Wild" - JayZ, Kanye West, Frank Ocean -- Attack On Titan
"When It Rains" - Paramore --  Ano Hi Mita Hana no Namae wo Bokutachi wa Mada Shiranai
"Supremacy" - Muse -- Death Note
 "Big Girls Don't Cry" - Fergie -- Ano Hi Mita Hana no Namae wo Bokutachi wa Mada Shiranai

Monsters Come to Dance

I would be so much more in love with this if it had less of the Rosario to Vampire opening. But still, I was pleasantly surprised :)