Drawing a Line

Literally just looked at all the pictures of myself in those costumes.

No.

F*ck the F*ck No.

I refuse.

May I never look like a f*cking tank again.

What happened to that whole weight loss thing? Oh, you quit? You quit, Sammy? Well UN QUIT 'CAUSE YOU ARE LARGE AND NEED TO BE LESS FAT.

Am I obese? No. Am I happy with my current weight? F*ck I am.

You're gonna fix this. And you're gonna do it now. Guess who you see Monday? Hector. Guess where you're going in two weeks? Europe. Guess what you're gonna look like? A damn cow.

Make sure this doesn't f*cking happen again.

I Look Like My Mother

If you look really closely, I look a lot like my mother. In our facial structure. Our eyes. Our hair. Our smiles. Even our complexion. I am unmistakably my mother's daughter.

My mother does not like the way she looks. She dyes her hair. She wears colored contacts. She will not step out of the house at all unless her makeup is 100% done. Foundation, blush, eye shadow, eye liner, mascara, lips, the works. She doesn't like the way she looks and refuses to let people see how she really looks. Sometimes she even tells me I'd look better with a little more color or some accent to my eyes.

With a mother like that, where the hell was I supposed to gain any self-confidence?

Phases

• I'm lonely
• I have no future
• I hate myself

I go through phases where I'll whine about each one of these. One at a time. It's always something. But I'm used to it. It's the days when I start to think about all three that I really have a breakdown.

Post Title

Okay! Now for the real post! Slash the reason I made this pretty much. I miss Jonathan. Oh man do I miss him. And you know what the worst part is? I have no idea what he thinks. I'm already clingy and I'm not even the girlfriend yet. Yet. As if I know it will happen. I want it to. I'm gross. Oh gosh. Wahh. Basically I need my cuddle buddy, and it'd be amazing if he went the extra mile to talk to me so I felt less gross.

But hey! Self concious Sammy must lose weight first because freshman 15 will NOT be a thing.

Also, the name of the blog is a potential band name I had in mind for a while.