I'm a Puppy

I'm just like a puppy and I need lots of attention and hugs. We can replace petting with cuddles. And sometimes I need you to play with me, like Mario Kart or something. And I need you to take me out for walks. And I need you to take care of me sometimes and make sure I'm doing okay. And then compliment me when I'm good. And give me all the attention in the world 'cause I give a whole lot of love, and I really really like getting love back.

Importance

It never ceases to amaze me. Just how much I notice people. I fixate on little details. I remember names and faces and outfits and voices and birthdays. I hold the memories close. I believe every person. EVERY person. That walks into my life has some kind of purpose. Has changed me in some way. Must be remembered for some reason. I hold onto people. I hold onto moments. I know they are important, and so I save a place for them in my life.

It becomes more and more evident as time goes by how little I matter to a lot of people.

Funny How

My best friend is in Canada. Has been for 4 years. And then there's this kid who means so much to me, and tells me I mean even more to him, off in Florida. And I haven't seen him in at least 2 years.

And I still talk to them more than I do you. Like, they both make it a point to hold conversations with me as often as possible.

This isn't me being mad or whining or blaming you. I just think it's kind of crazy. Especially because I'm watching 3 guys chase Jess at once. Like, try so dang hard. And then I look at us and think... I'm chasing him. And I shouldn't be. We should be equals by now. But we're not. I wonder if I know what's good for me. I mean, not to say I should fall for a kid who lives 14 hours away from me. But still. I just wonder.

It doesn't matter. I can wonder forever. I'll never find the answer and I'll always be in love with you. Because yes, I am in love with you. It's just food for thought.

damnitdamnitdamnitdamnit

The effing worst part is that I KNOW this wasn't him, obviously. I don't even think he knows what PostSecret even is. But DAMNIT. I feel so f*cking lonely and so ready to quit but I just CAN'T. I can't quit you.

"Most Impatient/Needy Person Ever" Award goes to...

My Light

I know what I want. I f*cking know what I want. I know who I am. I know which path is the right one for me. I know where I'm going. You are not a part of ANY of that. As much as I want you to be, you're not. You're just not. Everything in this world is telling me to get the hell away from you so I can get back to me, because you're no good. So prove me wrong! PROVE ME F*CKING WRONG. And don't act stupid you know you're doing this. You have to. You OF ALL PEOPLE KNOW how f*cking NEEDY I am. You know how much I need to hear the words "I love you" and "I want to be with you". Not just "I want to f*ck you", and hey, I haven't even heard that in a good while. TALK. TO ME. ABOUT SOMETHING BESIDES YOUR DAMN MUSIC. You don't have to love me, no one said you did. But don't sit there and get my hopes up and make me f*cking wait for something that will never come. Just say you don't want this and that's fine. I've been dumped by you before, I can go through it again, and I'll survive. But don't f*cking make me wait! I've always waited for you. I've been waiting for you since we met. If I have to wait, remind me why I'm waiting instead of proving to me that it's a lost cause. It's not hard to write a message on facebook, have a conversation for 20 minutes. EVERYONE but you talks to me now. I just can't understand it.

Your music isn't stupid. I love it. And obviously it's your focus. You have work, you have deadlines. And we talked about this. We said it would be a while. I knew it wouldn't be easy. I knew I'd have to wait. You have so much going on. I could never demand anything more from you! It's not my place, it really isn't. I want you to do whatever you feel you have to to feel better. I really just want your happiness. I'm whining. I always whine. Don't listen to me. I'm being selfish... I just feel like I should be this time. I don't think I'm too in the wrong. A message every now and again would be nice. I miss you. Don't you miss me? 

I wanna cry. I wanna scream. I wanna break things. I wanna tear things. I wanna... I don't really know.

In the Storm

You're the only person I want to see. To be with. To cuddle. To talk to.

Love me?

asdfghjkl; needy

Intentions Were

Don't stop trying just because you think you're winning.

I'm sorry. I don't think you get that I love you. Either tell me you don't feel the same so I can finally move on after 6 years of playing this game or put in more effort.

Post Title

Okay! Now for the real post! Slash the reason I made this pretty much. I miss Jonathan. Oh man do I miss him. And you know what the worst part is? I have no idea what he thinks. I'm already clingy and I'm not even the girlfriend yet. Yet. As if I know it will happen. I want it to. I'm gross. Oh gosh. Wahh. Basically I need my cuddle buddy, and it'd be amazing if he went the extra mile to talk to me so I felt less gross.

But hey! Self concious Sammy must lose weight first because freshman 15 will NOT be a thing.

Also, the name of the blog is a potential band name I had in mind for a while.