But Why

Let's talk about how much I hate this fandom

Importance

It never ceases to amaze me. Just how much I notice people. I fixate on little details. I remember names and faces and outfits and voices and birthdays. I hold the memories close. I believe every person. EVERY person. That walks into my life has some kind of purpose. Has changed me in some way. Must be remembered for some reason. I hold onto people. I hold onto moments. I know they are important, and so I save a place for them in my life.

It becomes more and more evident as time goes by how little I matter to a lot of people.

JuanJosé Quoting Spree

"I want to see your Hispanic hips in action"

Him: YOU DON'T HAVE INSTAGRAM HOW DO YOU LIVE
Me: Quite contently

And suddenly we were horses.
#neigh

The boyfriend effect

It's actually so cute. Just watching a girl as her voice gets higher, her shape gets smaller, and her smile gets bigger.

Sick Revenge

Just woke up from a dream. It was a party. And it had a mix of people I know from all different parts of my life. I know some guy from high school hosted the party, but I honestly can't remember who. All I remember is Jonathan showing up out of nowhere, to talk to Margie about something serious. And Margie had been acting kind of weird with me all night. They were dating. Behind my back, because Jonathan didn't want me involved and Margie didn't want to hurt me. They went behind my back and were dating. I seriously don't know why it aches so much. Why, once I woke up, I felt so impacted. So sore. It seriously. Just. Hurts.

And what I can't understand is why my subconscious would do this to me. When I hadn't been thinking about either of them. And Margie has a boyfriend. And they haven't liked each other ever. I don't know for sure because honestly it makes no sense. But maybe it's some kind of guilt for what happened with Storm after he and Margie broke up.

If I did this to her, if she actually was in this much pain, I deserve the deepest pits of hell.

Mama

ACTUALLY. You adore your mother. Stop whining about her on tumblr expecting sympathy from strangers. You adore her. And the only time she gives you grief is about Choir College. Which, DUH, any arts kid goes into this field knowing the parents will never be 100% supportive. That's just life. Suck it up.

Semi-Parasocial

You ever have those people you know but don't really know? Not celebrities. Not even youtubers. Like people in your school. That all your friends talk to. And are basically the group you want to be a part of. I don't mean looking up to the popular kids. Just like, people who have all the same interests as you and you wouldn't even have to pretend to be someone you're not. You just don't have a chance to talk to them really. So you sit there knowing them a lot more than they know you. Caring about them a lot more than they care about you. And just... wanting to be a part of it.

Temptation

Fruits Basket Volumes 18, 20, 22, and 23

Only 4 more books.

Part of me is like BUY THEM NOW.

Part of me is like I need to save up $400 dollars. Which is really $700 because Crapital One won't let you go under $300 -____-

Never Never

"Let's go to Neverland"
"That's all I've ever wanted"
"Where the hell is Peter Pan when you need him?"
"He already grew up"
"Damn bastard"

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This still makes me cry

286

Nevermind about 300. It's about time you knew <3

The Church Gossip

I just want everyone to be happy.

What I told Fabrizio earlier today in regards to parents and observers getting involved with someone's relationship: "Because that's what parents do! Because they never want to accept that you may see something they don't. And until they do, they will make sure it hurts to even think of being with them. The people around you don't agree because the parents are right. They agree because they know how much the parents can do. Maybe it's cause you're a guy. They have no problem taking this amazing wonderful person you love and reducing them to filth, and then you become filth for caring for them. And they keep beating that into you until you accept it or just have to let them go so you can both be free."

Hector. Xabiel. Eric.

Let's get things straight. I ship AngieXDiego. I ship FabrizioXSheila.

Not that my opinion matters.

Angie's parents do not like Diego. He screwed up a few times. And now they're not okay with him. At all. And they've told Angie time and time again "He has nothing to offer you". She's in love with him. They have to hide. Because of the parents. I don't want her to end like I did. I want her to be so happy it hurts. If they did work out, yes. I'd be jealous that it worked for her and not for me. But you know what, ONE OF US deserves to have love. Why not the girl who is perfect? That's not even bitterness, Angelique is just another way to say angel, and that's what this girl has been in all our lives. She is so deserving of loving and being loved in return.

Fabrizio and Sheila have been a thing for almost 6 years. Things are complex. Let's just say they are me & Jonathan. But they have hope. They hold on. He is still in love with her. He deserves better than what she gives him, but it doesn't even matter. He loves her.

Maybe I just want them to be happy. I pretend ship AngieXFabrizio. Because they would have a chance and, let's be real they could totally be happy together. And her parents love him. And he could finally move on. And it'd just make everything so much simpler.

But love is never simple.

And it scares me. Because I lost my chance. And all I want is for someone to be happy. I want to be jealous of someone else's happiness. Let me be jealous. It just means someone finally broke free from this prison where love gets lost.

Pumpkin

Eric just called Cristina "Little Pumpkin".

Not even in a romantic way, I have some very fond memories of that nickname. That time will always have a special place in my heart. Twas a simpler time.

You're the reason I like One Direction. "What Makes You Beautiful" was written about you two. You loved her once, and I was so happy to bask in your light.

Memory Is the Key

Title is a reference to Red vs Blue, which Eric Allasi got me into.

I mentioned "All I Really Need to Know I Learned In Kindergarten" to Eric. And he said "My favorite part was the mirrors". He meant the ending of the show. When we held small mirrors and reflected light. Leave it to Eric to remember my first show. After all, he sat front row at ALL my shows. This kid is seriously the greatest friend in the world.

Whoops

Nevermind. A mother with brain cancer does kind of make a difference.
Doesn't help when you PROVE ME WRONG. ugh.

Oh Danny Boy

-Manly man
-Not Christian
-Acts grown
-Has no interest in family
-Is leaving for 2 months

"U think I have a chance you could maybe get to be my girl friend :)"

NO DANNY. NOT A CHANCE IN HELL. -facepalm-

HarryHarryHarrison

Harrison crashed our party. And I'm so glad he did. You know, the boys have all changed since school started. Every single one of them is sad and disgusting and obnoxious and... not who they once were at all. And then there's Harrison. Who left his past in the past. Who went out and got a job in his field. Who has a loving girlfriend. Who is getting his life right, for the most part haha. And who still considers Charlotte & I his best friends. Seeing him warms my heart. And I will be PROUD to display his photos on my dorm wall.

#Thicke

1. Saying it was a Feminist movement was a bit much... Come on Robin.
2. Robin Thicke DOES IN FACT RESPECT WOMEN. Listen to his song "Sex Therapy". It is ALL ABOUT WHAT THE WOMAN WANTS. And it is probably the sexiest song out there.
3. Leave his family out of this. You know what? His wife thinks the video is hilarious. And I bet you they have AMAZING sex.
4. He's probably not compensating for anything, tbh.
5. You wanna know why we listen to this song? Fun beat. Killer voice. "What rhymes with hug me?"
6. Those women only did what they were okay with. In the end women are always in control of the situation and he knows that. Again, IF ANY GUY GOES PAST THE POINT OF COMFORT IT IS HARRASSMENT AND SHOULD BE REPORTED!

Fear Can Drive Stick

I'm pretty sure we're all just cripplingly lonely. But of course, no one will ever get any better because we're all too scared to do anything. We all hate change. And change is probably what we need most.

Observation

My mom's favorite thing in the world is visiting baby Cristina.

Her second favorite thing is dancing to Single Ladies.

*connotativewords

*I believe this is the original source?

Sex is not a goddamn performance.
Sex should feel as natural as drinking water.
It should not require confidence.
Sex should happen, because the moment is ripe.
Ripening lips, ripening labia, ripening cock, ripening pupils, ripening state of being. Ripe and augmented and brimming. Your energy goes to your pumping heart, then to every external nerve, then to theirs, on fire.
You bask, roll, play in it. You sigh, moan, laugh.
It’s not about being “good in bed.”
It’s about being happy.
One should never worry if they’re doing it “correctly.” Sex is not factual. I don’t want your cookie-cutter sex, I don’t want your meticulously crafted, calculated, fool-proof fuck. I don’t want a show. I want you. Let your instincts, urges and whims define that. It’s enough.
What do most girls like? Forget about it. Statistics are meaningless when there’s only one. Hello, here’s me. Here’s you.
Don’t worry about taking it too slow. We got time. We got infinite rhythms, combinations, possibilities. Explore each fuck. Take our time. We can do a different one later.
Don’t worry about making me come. I’m here. Right where I want to be.
I am overwhelmed by wanting; you don’t have to convince me. I want you because I like you. So don’t put on a front. Don’t taint this.
I’m frustrated—it’s just authenticity I want.
It’s originality.
It’s passion.
It’s joy.
Don’t say that something I like is ugly. Don’t compare yourself to the rest. You will live and die with and within your experiences like everyone else. If someone thinks you are amazing, they are not wrong. Their universe is as real as any other; it is forged through perception.
I don’t care if you accidentally slammed my head into the wall, if you slipped out, if my arm cracked, if the delightful pressure of your wet lips on my anything made a silly sound. There is no right way and no wrong way.
“Good in bed,” what.
You’re good in my bed. I’m pleased you’re there. I feel it suits you.
Shove your technique. Let your memory swallow it. Fuck me like you’d fuck me, fuck me like you feel.
This isn’t a test.

275

When I get to 300, I'll share this with you.

Brendon Urie

Actually. Brendon Urie vines are the best thing ever. The end.

It Didn't Have To End Like This

Dark Is The Way, Light Is A Place is getting me through tonight. Thank you Anberlin. Can't wait for your next project.

Dating Life

I ruined something that hasn't started for something that will never happen.

I'm so painfully in love with the way you touch me.

#ConfessYourUnpopularOpinion

PREACH:

• I think partying every weekend is horrible
• I LOVE Barry Manilow. Grew up around his music. Sue me.
• drinking and smoking all the time is not cool. Or attractive
• TACO BELL TASTES LIKE SOMETHING YOU SCRAPE OFF THE BOTTOM OF YOUR SHOE
• T-shirts with Geek or Dweeb on them are SO annoying. And fake glasses
• Drinking & smoking are unacceptable if you're in a relationship with me
• WARNING: VERY VERY CONTROVERSIAL DO NOT READ IF SENSITIVE I prefer hot weather to cold weather anyday
• Girls that smoke are disgusting. People that smoke period are disgusting.
• music festivals > clubs
• I prefer DC over Marvel. Not that I don't like Marvel, DC's just got more heroes I grew up with
• Elle Varner is the most talented female artist
• If Aaliyah was alive Beyonce's career would have been over
• Drinking alcohol is also unattractive, especially if you get drunk
• Kelly Rowland will always be better than Beyonce
• Jamie Foxx is mediocre, his acting, his comedy, his music, everything.
• i hate Soda, the flavor any type of soda got is just nasty.
• facial piercings look like boogers on most people. They're not for everyone.
• if Halle Berry can get cheated on. EVERYBODY can get cheated on
• the kardashians and jenners aren't that amazing
• God is the one and only. The alpha and omega the beginning and end
• yoga pants and ugg boots are an awful combination that make you look like a homeless streetwalker
• Kelly Roland is prettier than Beyonce. Idc idc idc.
• I think tattoos & piercings are the most DISGUSTING things anyone can do to their body!
• I prefer brunettes to blondes
• I think that every stereotype is true to a certain extent.
• Christ is our Lord and Savior
• michelle from destiny's child can acc proper sing
• God is Real.
• it's not hot if you smoke weed
• shows like "Teen Mom" are not helping anybody
• Id much rather hang out with a group of people instead of go to a big party
• Bum over breast
• Madonna is the queen of pop. Not Beyonce, not Gaga (not yet at least), not anyone.
• I think Bernadette Peters is hands down one of the most beautiful women ever

GIRL, BYE:

• I don't think girls who smoke are unattractive at all
• Ariana Grande is not pretty she looks like a 13 year old child
• I don't like The Beatles. Sure they may have one or two catchy songs but in general they're not THAT great.
• Aaliyah and Left eye are overrated
• Beyoncé is a better performer than MJ
• I think women who won't indulge in their partners sexual desires should expect to be cheated on. 
• Ariana Grande looks like a 12 year old to me, I think she's overrated.
• i dont think Marilyn Monroe's body was " attractive."
• techno music is possibly the worst thing to happen to music since rap
• alliyah was average. Then she died and became a legend
• I don't like ice-cream
• I think the Beatles are massively overrated.
• David Tennant is the worst Doctor of all time. I prefer Capaldi and he hasn't even shot a scene yet.
• people only glorify biggie and tupac because they got shot. If they were still alive y'all wouldn't care
• I don't like lion king
• I don't like blurred lines or suit and tie
• You can be in love and still sleep with other people
• Peanut butter and jelly don't taste good together
• inception is one of the most boring movies ever!
• Amy Winehouse wasn't that good
• dan howell's videos are overrated oops
• minions are dumb and annoying
• Ronaldo is the best player in the world right now idc
• The tragedy around Heath Ledgers untimely death distracts people from his Joker performance being pretty so-so.
• Michael Jackson had like 6 good songs other than those the rest were average
• Alicia Keys ain't that great to me. She's dry and boring tbh. Her voice isn't spectacular either
• One Direction are better than the beatles
• grown men that watch anime are weirdos and need to reevaluate their life

Proximity

My face was an inch from his. It was a threat.

If it had been us? You would've kissed me. Held me. Grabbed me and held me to you. We would've forgotten everything. It would have been public passion.

You've ruined me.