Makes Sense to No One But Me

Thank you for never being attracted to me ever. Legit. THANK. YOU. I need guy friends. I'm dependent on them. It's all I've known for so long. But I don't really have that here. So having you around to be fully open and honest with is basically saving my sanity. Thanks. The issue is though, I'm too used to that being something more. Sort of. More so, I'm used to my friends, at random points, deciding they like me. And then me, knowing full well that they don't, going out with them anyway. And then starting to gain hope. And then being dumped. Because I was a rebound, or a hookup, or just the desperate choice. And they stay my best friends. And I know they'd never purposely do anything to hurt me. And I know that they're good guys who really don't do that to girls ever. But for the briefest of moments, it hurts. And creates a history. We suddenly have a more complex relationship, even if we don't act like it, because we were a thing once. That's high school me. And high school me got hurt often. So you basically saying I'm not that pretty? Yeah, kinda hurts. But you're not saying anything I don't already know. Meanwhile, I'm thankful. Because we'll never be anything more than friends. That is the guarantee you've given me. And it's one I've needed from my boys for a very long time.