I Had 4 Dreams Last Night

Well really two, but the first one was split into three major scenes.

I was dating Jason Hernandez. 2 years older, skateboarding, smokes weed, listens to rap Jason Hernandez. The kid I had a crush on in my sophomore year of high school before dating Harrison, and who I have not seen since. Granted, we've been talking recently. And by talking I mean maybe a message a day or every other day. Through facebook cause we don't even have each other's numbers. And 0% of it is flirting. We talk about work and holidays and our nieces. But okay, in this dream we're dating. I'm hoping he looks like he did back in 2010 when he shaved, but I don't know because I never see him. It's just a lot of text conversation back and forth. Through some weird app or something, I dunno. All I know for certain is I'm dating Jason. I open Snapchat.

I'm suddenly talking to Nick. On Snapchat. Sort of. Imagine Instagram, picture on the left, text on the right, except there's no comments, it's just messages and the messaging format looks like Snapchat, with the red and blue and all that. So he's sending me messages and sending me pics and both sides just scroll up as the messages come in. And he says we need to talk. Like, finally have that talk he said we would have once he got my letter. And at this point I've given up (just like in real life) but for some reason in the dream I'm angry about it, like okAY if you KEEP SAYING it then this time we are GOING TO TALK ABOUT IT. And then the pics are of his family? Like mom and sister and cousins and nephews. And me, not understanding what dream social media this is, is trying to click the images but I don't know if that will make them go away. But it makes them bigger. And suddenly I'm in the world of the picture. I'm there. And I don't know any of these people, only through Nick's stories. But I love them and I miss them, and they are forgetting me. I don't matter to any of them and it hurts profoundly. I figure it's because we didn't stay together, so they didn't feel the need to think about me. But I felt so ignored, almost hated. And I wanted so desperately for them to like me.

I'm in a truck, seated in the passenger's seat. Looking back on it I think it might be Nick's, but in the dream all I know is little Sammy is in a massive truck on the top of a super steep hill. There are cars parked all along both sides of the road. Gravity wins and I go down the hill. I hit. So. Many. Cars. The emergency breaks just refuse to work. I try to crawl into the seat and actually drive/break but I am always just short of the time I need. It like rewinds several times, and each time it's a different accident. And I think I'm trying to drive to Nick's house to see his family, but I have no idea how I can get there with all these cars in the way. I wake up shaken and scared.

I'm watching one of my favorite youtubers. She's filming a video. It's almost pornographic in nature and I can't tell if she's with her boyfriend or another friend of hers. The actions are definitely a lot, but the atmosphere and everything is so casual? My brain registered this as completely normal. Not even arousing. Normal casual indifferent. Her family was there while it was being filmed. Sometimes offering commentary. It was the most normal thing in the world even though in reality it's crude and far too intimate to be a public moment, much less a recorded one for the public of youtube. I think in their minds it might've been some kind of artistic statement or something. They complained about one aunt who talked too much. But other than that, the deed was done and no one batted an eyelash. They all went their separate ways and, even though it was for his channel, she wanted to put it on her own too, so she filmed a little vlog for the end bit. And then I woke up. Wondering what the heck I had eaten or watched or whatever.