The Part That Kills Me

I SEE IT ALL HAPPENING! I'm not oblivious to you're situation. I am actually quite aware. To be honest, I don't know all the details. Of course not, 'cause you've told me nothing. And it's not really my place to ask because you'll tell me whatever it is you want me to know and nothing more. And see usually that's fine and I respect that and I'm okay with it. But you VENT to a BLOG, as I do here. The difference is I always talk about it, I don't just post and keep it in. Because that gets no one nowhere. And, should someone come across this blog one day, I am MORE THAN WILLING to explain my thoughts on whatever the situation may be. You are not. Your life story is all on social media with convenient links to the source of your heart ache.

I get it. I can't help you. I'm more than willing to know and learn and be there for you. But you don't want me to be. Which I get. I've been there. Sometimes even our closest friends can't help or change anything (not that I'm a close friend, but I hope I'm at least a friend). Sometimes it really is just between you and that one other person and only that person can make it better or make a difference. When you complain about having no one, you don't actually mean you have no one. You mean you're parents are annoying, your friends try but they don't get it, and that one person just does not love you the way you love them. And anyone who DOES want to be there for you is honestly not who you want to talk to right now.

And I know that's where I'm at. I get it and I promise I'm not even mad! The part that AGGRAVATES me is that ALL I WANT TO DO IS GRAB YOU BY THE FACE AND TELL YOU THAT ITS ALL OKAY AND IT ALL GOES AWAY. BECAUSE THE MORE YOU VENT, THE MORE I SEE, AND THE MORE I REALIZE HOW FREAKING SIMILAR OUR STORIES REALLY ARE.

And I want so badly to tell you it gets better. That you, of ALL people, know God has a plan. And you have to trust it. Because sometimes two people who love each other aren't meant to be together. AND IT SUCKS! IT FREAKING SUCKS. Until it doesn't. Until that beautiful wonderful amazing moment where it doesn't suck anymore because you KNOW that this new path, as weird and confusing as it may be, is the right one. And after all that time it took you to reach this path, there's no way you'd ever go back to the old one. It took me SEVEN YEARS to find that path. If I'm not mistaken, you're just shy of that. IT'S A LONG JOURNEY, I KNOW. And you keep going back to the old one because oh man did it treat you right once upon a time. But it's possible. You said those words to me before. It's so so possible. You know what else is possible? Laughing at the old path. Looking back. Realizing how ridiculous it was. Seeing those wonderful beautiful memories on that old path with fondness and a bit of nostalgia. And then shrugging it off and pressing on.

And maybe you don't need to find a new path. Maybe you're a lucky one. In all honesty, I think you might be. I see a desire to change, to improve, to be better. That's what happens when people actually love each other. I don't know if it will work. Maybe you'll get that change and have a happy ending together. I believe in that and I hope it does happen. But if not, I know that you're both capable of your own happy endings. And I know you won't see this. And I know that even if you did, not a bit of it would help. Because you need to figure it out on your own. You need to get your own closure and fix these problems in a way only you can. And you will. You will.