Going to driving school is draining the life out of me. The school itself isn't bad. It's pretty easy, I'm actually learning some things, and I have enough of an attention span to deal with 3 hours a week. But it's just hard not having time to myself anymore. Being out of the house from 7:30am-9:30pm is horrendous; no wonder my mom was always miserable after work. And I have videos/episodes that I haven't seen yet because I'm not home after work to watch them. So I have a long list and the list is ACTUALLY upsetting me because my brain registers it as "something that needs to get done" as opposed to "random non-essential entertainment that can be done later", so I stress.
I'm for sure not getting enough sleep.
Getting ready for Karla's move is tough. I can't believe they move in here in a week. I see a whole lot of chaos ahead for us. Is it weird that I feel bad for not having said goodbye to their house yet? That makes no sense but ah well.
I want to look to the future and move on from things. Mostly work. I want to do something I love and be passionate about the things that make me get up every day. Can I have that yet? Can I not schedule surgeries?
I hate that I'm flirting with Michael again. I'm doing it because I like the attention and he's flirty and also still into me and he's fully aware we won't be in a relationship anyway. But like. I'm so sick of flirting for fun or fooling around. Effing give me something substantial. Like how long am I supposed to play pretend with a kid I'm not even interested in? I'm annoyed 'cause it's not like I have the willpower to just not flirt and not get doted on (apparently), but I also have zero sexual feelings towards this kid and I pretend so I can let off steam? What?
Can I get over Nick yet? Please? Can I please stop thinking about him all the time and missing him all the time and being jealous of Hannah all the time and wanting to vomit at the thought of them together happy for forever all the time and beating myself up for not being good enough for him all the time?? I MAKE NO SENSE WHY DO I STILL CARE ABOUT A BOY WHO HAS NO INTEREST IN ME?!?
I want it to be August. I want to be on vacation and with the people I love so much and I want to no longer care about absolutely any of this.
